I have so often heard parents say that you cannot be your child’s friend, but I am a firm believer that nothing is further from the truth. You can be a friend to your child without crossing the parent-child boundaries.
I always maintained a friendship with my daughter because I wanted her to feel comfortable coming to me in any situation. We built a close relationship at a very early age and we maintain that relationship today. I always let her know that she could come to me about anything and that she could be honest with me. Whenever we had a discussion I was always open and honest with her and gave her the facts according to her age and maturity level. I also allowed her to respond to me in a respectful manner as a way to teach her that her opinion does indeed matter.
Some parents believe that the only way to have their child’s respect is by placing the fear of God in them but I challenge you to this thought…. Is it better for your child to fear you or respect you? I believe that if your child fears you they are less likely to come to you when they have a problem. If your child knows that they can come to you about anything, I feel that they are more likely to respect you and your opinions and will be more open to being honest if they know that you are ultimately on their side. More than anything else, creating this type of open relationship builds trust and trust is the foundation for any special bond.
One rule of thumb that I always used was this…. How would I have wanted my mother to react in a certain situation? Further, Is there a way that I can teach the same lesson that I could with fear tactics through open, honest communication? In other words walk a few steps in each other’s shoes and the choice becomes clear.
How do you maintain a friendship with your child(ren) without blurring the boundaries?
