I had lunch with a friend the other day and she confided in me that she was thinking about ending her marriage. She said that after 25 years she was tired of being miserable. I asked a few pointed questions and she revealed to me what I suspected for years. She said that while her husband has never been physically abusive that he was very verbally abusive especially after he has been drinking. Again, I asked some pointed questions, one being could she make it financially on her own. She said that he never pays her bills anyway and that everything in their household was completely separate. She pays for her things and he pays for his and the person whose name is on the account paid things like utility bills.
This whole scenario is foreign to me but she said that they have always been like roommates instead of husband and wife and the only thing they have in common is their 17-year-old daughter. She also said that her husband and her daughter have a very strained relationship as well because he doesn’t know how to show affection. This is such a sad story and my heart went out to all of them. She said that her plan was to stick it out until her daughter went away to college but she just didn’t think that she could take it anymore. She asked what I thought about her leaving.
I said that I have never been a proponent of divorce but everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved. I told her that I would have a talk with her daughter and see where her head is too. I also went on to explain to her that some people are put in our lives for particular reasons and for seasons. Maybe her husband was put in her life to give her the beautiful daughter that she has. She said no, she could have had a baby with anyone but I begged to differ. I told her that her daughter would not be the same person without both of their DNA and that is what makes her unique. After thinking about what I said she agreed with me.
Making the decision to leave a relationship is never an easy thing to do and change can be very frightening. You have to weigh all of the pros and con’s for staying or leaving and take your time and not act on impulse. As I stated earlier everyone deserves to be happy and feel loved and appreciated. Life is so short and things can happen at the blink of an eye so it is up to each of us to find our happy place wherever that may be. When you add children to the mix that makes the decision even harder but it’s important to remember that kids are a lot more resilient than we think they are. We often try to shield our children from “grown up” issues but children are smart and they see and understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Everyone has their own meter as to how much “stuff” they can put up with in a relationship and only you know when enough is enough. Consider the old adage that if you are not happy and fulfilled those around you won’t be either, especially your kids. Sometimes you have to let go of something in order to get God’s true blessing for you.
To everyone reading this Mom Tip my advice to you is Live Your Best Life.
