Allison and I were talking recently about our bodies and how we see ourselves. I must admit that I have always suffered with negative body issues but I always tried to let her know that she and her body are beautiful just the way they are. Some people think that it is only people that have “over” weight issues that suffer from negative body issues but even though I am a small woman by most standards I still suffer from my own personal body issues.
As a kid I was underweight so my classmates teased me horribly. While the other girls were developing breasts and butts I was stuck looking like Olive Ole from the Popeye cartoon. I was so tiny that even the smallest size clothes didn’t fit me so I bought a lot of stuff from the kids department even though I was a teenager. When I needed more grown up options I learned how to sew so that I could make my own clothes.
As an adult I didn’t mind being skinny too much because it allowed me to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. In fact, when I became pregnant with Allison I only weighed 95 pounds and with my constant morning sickness that was a little problem. I did gain weight, I ballooned to 160 pounds by the time she was born but it was all baby and after she was born I went back to my normal weight.
Some years ago I had to take steroids for severe back pain and as you all can imagine I blew up like a blowfish! I was despondent and hated my body. One day I just stopped taking the medicine and went and joined a gym. I have been working out with the same trainer for 16 years now and I’ll be with him until I can’t walk or see.
That brings me to today. For the most part I am in pretty good shape and I am healthy but when I look in the mirror I still see “fat” Cyndi. I am constantly criticizing myself and I hone in on my back fat and my double chin instead of looking at and accepting the positive parts of my body. I am working on this but it is not an easy feat. I am the first to tell others how good they look and encourage them to look at the “good” parts of their bodies and not focus on what they deem the “bad” parts but I am so guilty of not practicing what I preach.
We women especially have so many different media venues telling us how we are supposed to look. We have television and magazine ads constantly slapping us in the face with pictures of uber thin women with super flat stomachs telling us that that is what a real woman is supposed to look like. Then on the other hand we are being shown that big tits and Asses are the new woman. I am trying hard to get over my own negative body image issues and understand that it is not so much how I look but how I feel that is most important. All of that being said, I am human and yes I am vain so I do care about how I look too but I am trying to keep all things in perspective.
We all have parts of our bodies that we are not happy with but it is important to try not to only dwell on those parts. While we are actively trying to work on our “not so great” body parts let’s try to embrace the parts that we do love and understand that we are not cookie cutter images of television and magazine models.
In short love yourself and love your body flaws and all.
