I had a conversation with a friend last night that is in a similar marital situation as I am in and she was telling me that she had recently met someone but that she felt guilty for moving on and being happy. I told her that she had been a good and faithful wife to her husband while they were together and that she deserved to be happy. I also told her that I don’t believe that God would have brought this new man into her life if He felt that she was un-deserving of a second chance at love. After listening to myself talk to her it dawned on me that it was time that I take my own advice.
I made the decision to stop wearing my wedding rings recently and to start dating and it was much harder than I thought it would be. Like most women, I wore my wedding rings as a symbol of my love and commitment towards my husband. If the words “ride or die” are in the dictionary you will find my picture next to the definition. At any rate it’s been six years since my husband passed away so I decided (with a little urging from Allison) that it was time.
Letting go for me has been an uphill battle and I struggle every single day as to whether or not I’m doing the right thing by letting do. I still suffer from immense guilt at times for being the one left behind. I know in my heart that this is irrational but my head is another battle altogether. I know that Charles would not want me to spend the remainder of my life alone but there is a part of me that feels that giving my heart to another man would be some way betraying the vows that I took with him. I know that sounds crazy but it’s how I feel.
My kids and my friends are all for me finding someone to share my life with so I just need to get out of my own head and make the decision to let go. I do believe that I deserve to be happy and let’s face it no one wants to be alone for the rest of his or her life so I need to take my own advice. I was a good and faithful wife and I do believe that God has more in store for my life. Again, I just have to get out of my own way and let Him continue to have His will over my life.
Letting go is never an easy thing to do no matter the circumstances but we all need to love and be loved in return. Wish me luck as I enter this new phase of my life.
