My friend called me the other day in a bit of a tizzy. Lol She said that her 16 year old came to her and said that she thinks she’s ready to have sex. She said that she was blindsided so she told her that they would have a long talk after dinner. She was stalling so that she could talk to me first. Lol She wanted to know what to say to her. First of all I was flattered that she came to me for advice so this is what I said to her.
I told her the very first thing that she needed to do was to thank her daughter for coming to her to talk about this. She needed to let her know that she was very proud of her for doing so. After that she needed to be very calm and not preachy at all. She needed to ask her daughter if this was solely her idea or was her boyfriend or some other friends were putting pressure on her. Depending on the answer to that question she needed to discuss being safe and the emotional ramifications that come along with sex. She needed to make sure that she was on birth control and also get her a supply of condoms and teach her how to put one on a male by using something like a cucumber. I also emphasized that her daughter needed to understand that once she lost her virginity she could not get it back and although she was going to make sure that she was protected against pregnancy she also needed to know if her daughter could see herself with this person being in her life forever just in case she did get pregnant. Being only 16 she probably is “in love” and not to make light of those feelings but the person that you are in love with at 16 is very unlikely to be the person she is in love with at 26 so she needs to understand that as well. One other thing to be considered is that she cannot have sex with everyone she thinks she’s in love with because that number will more than likely grow, as she gets older and more mature. Tell her how precious her body is and that it is the greatest gift that she can give to a man so she needs to make sure that the first person that she gives it to is worthy of such a precious gift. Telling her no that she is not ready or trying to forbid her from having sex is not going to work so it is imperative that she talk to her daughter as an adult and try to walk in her shoes for a minute.
Having the talk with your 16 year old is difficult at best but it’s a good thing when your kid comes to you. This shows maturity on your kid’s part so don’t belittle her emotions or her hormones.
